


i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

by calmbeforethestorm



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Brief Sexy Times, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Separation Anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-22
Packaged: 2018-01-26 02:29:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1671374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calmbeforethestorm/pseuds/calmbeforethestorm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>here is the deepest secret nobody knows<br/>(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud<br/>and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows<br/>higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)<br/>and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart</p>
            </blockquote>





	i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Four thousand nine hundred and twelve miles.  
In his head, he repeats this to himself like a mantra, though he doesn’t want to. He presses his face into the crook of Gavin’s neck and tried to remind himself that it’s only a few months. Five at the most. He’d been on his own before their relationship, and had survived fine then. It would feel like only a matter of days, probably, that his boyfriend was gone.

Probably.

Gavin mumbles something in his sleep, his arms curling around Ryan’s snuggly, before going back to being basically comatose. Ryan never understood how heavy of a sleeper the younger man could be, but he didn’t mind it. At night, when he wasn’t able to pass out, he’d simply watch the other sleep, committing to memory his features and the small details one normally wouldn’t notice. Like the small freckles on his shoulders, barely noticeable from his tan. Or how his lips would twitch into a smile most nights, assumingly during a good dream. His favourite, however, was when Gavin would occasionally breathe out Ryan’s name, not in a sexual way (he did enough of that), but in a way that always melted away his fears that Gavin did not love him the way he loved him.

These were some of the things that Ryan was going to miss for the next few months, and he hated it.

Gavin and Dan had gotten hired to work on a big-budget film, one with incredibly famous actors, directors and producers involved. There was no possible way that they could have turned it down, and Ryan knew that.

But, they were going to be in London filming for months, and with basically no time to fly back to Austin during those months. The only way Ryan was going to see his boyfriend, for almost half a year was going to be through picture messages and Skype. At first, Gavin had rejected the idea, saying that Dan could handle it on his own probably, and that he didn’t need to go, but Ryan knew better. He knew that this was an amazing opportunity for Gav, and that it would be selfish to keep him from going. Ryan had promised that it would be completely fine, and that sure he’d miss him, but that the filming would probably go by quicker than anticipated and they’d be back together in no time.

Ryan had always been a good liar.

He couldn’t sleep, not when Gavin’s flight was at six in the morning and according to the alarm clock, Ryan only has mere hours left with him. After this, he’d be waking up to an empty, cold bed. It was worth it to stay awake and to remember the warmth of his boyfriend’s body against him.

What feels like minutes to Ryan is in actuality hours, and soon Gavin starts to stir when the alarm on his phone goes off, reaching over to turn it off before turning onto his side to face Ryan.

“Morning, love.”

Ryan smiles half-heartedly, leaning forward to kiss Gavin. “Hey.”

The younger man wraps his arms around his partner, holding tightly onto him and whispering “I don’t want to go.” A pang of sorrow shoots through Ryan and all he wants to do is tell Gavin not to go, to call Dan and say there’s been a change in plans. To stay here in this bed with him, to not leave him…

But Ryan loves Gavin too much to do that to him. He can’t be greedy. What was that stupid saying, “if you love them, let them go”? Ryan hates that saying, but he supposes it was true.

Instead, Ryan replies with “I love you.” It’s all he can say.

They slowly begin to move out of the bed, getting dressed to leave and Gavin making sure he’s packed everything he’ll need, even though he checked twice last night before bed. By the time both of them are set to go, they’ve got about two hours before the flight, a good amount of time to get through traffic, the luggage checkout, and security.

The car ride’s quiet. Gavin keeps his hand clutched around Ryan’s the entire time and Ryan keeps looking over at him, but neither of them say a word. There isn’t really much to be said (well there is, Ryan has so much he wants to say but it’s easier if he keeps it all inside). Everything goes smoothly, and soon they’ve parked and are dragging Gavin’s suitcases inside, dropping them off without a problem. Security is a breeze for once, almost as if the universe is saying “See, this is what’s supposed to happen”.

When they’re waiting at the gate, Gavin still holding on tightly to Ryan’s hand, the pit that’s been forming in the older man’s stomach for the past few weeks threatens to swallow him whole. Everything about this feels wrong (which is stupid, and Ryan knows that, because Gavin travelled all the time before they were a couple and it was never a problem then).

“Now boarding, American Airlines flight 6236 from Austin, Texas to London, England. Please have your tickets and passport out and ready. Again, now boarding 6236 from Austin to London.”

The flight attendant’s voice prompts Gavin to squeeze Ryan’s hand one last time, dropping down his carry-on to wrap his arms around his boyfriend’s neck and kiss him. Everything in his being is telling Ryan to hold onto him and never let him go, but he ignores it. “Don’t forget about me while you’re there…” He mumbles, unable to look Gavin in the eye without giving away just how upset he is.

The Brit frowns, holding Ryan’s face in his hands so he’s forced to look at him, “James Ryan Haywood, do not think for a moment that I’d ever forget about you. I love you. And if it takes me missing my flight to prove it to you, then so be it.”

Ryan shakes his head, smiling a little at his partner’s stubbornness. He knows Gavin is genuine, and now feels guilty for even questioning the younger man’s commitment to him. Ryan kisses him again, before picking up Gavin’s bag, “Nah, no need for that.”

“Final call, flight 6236.”

They both look over at the gate, before looking back at one another. Ryan tells him to go. Gavin does, quickly jogging over to the flight attendant and getting everything sorted out. Before he passes on through, he hollers “I love you!” to Ryan.

With a sigh, Ryan slumps down into one of the uncomfortable seats, waiting for the plane to take off before leaving (because what if Gavin does decide to stay?).

When it does, he looks at his phone screen, and his mouth twitches into a smile as he sees Gavin sent him a picture before he took off. He’s making an ugly face (which on him, of course, is incredibly attractive), and the text reads, _“I’ll call you once I land. Love you Rye-Bread.”_

Four thousand nine hundred and twelve miles. The distance between Austin, Texas and London, England.

The distance between them.

—————————————————————————————————————————-

There was one good thing about how Ryan had trouble falling asleep at night, because it turned out the only time that Gavin could ever video chat with him was at eight o’clock. Which, was two in the morning for Ryan, given the six hour time difference. Gavin’s schedule was completely packed, and when he was occasionally available, Ryan generally had work himself. Of course, when Ryan got off work, Gavin was asleep.

It was exhausting simply trying to find a single moment they could spend talking to one another.

“It’s amazing,” Gavin says, gushing to his boyfriend about his experience so far, “I’ve been working with Oscar-winning directors and producers. The hours are long, sure, but all of this has been a dream and—”

Ryan tries to pay attention, but it’s difficult. He’s tired, had a long work day and in reality, all he really cares about is seeing Gavin. Not that he isn’t happy for him, but… Ryan’s less interested in the film and if he’s being honest, after not even two weeks of Gavin being gone, he’s a little… frustrated.

He clears his throat a little, interrupting the Brit as he starts discussing the latest scene he and Dan are working on, “Gav, you know that I love hearing you talk about this, but, you think maybe we could do something different?”

“Like what, Ryan?” As usual, Gavin’s completely oblivious.

“I don’t know…” Ryan leans back, pulling up his olive t-shirt over his head before tossing it aside, “Something that’s a little more intimate?”

“Oh… That… I like that idea.” Gavin says, his cheeks reddening a little but he quickly follows Ryan’s action and takes off his own shirt.

The clothes all get stripped off and they’re laughing because Ryan trying to ‘seduce’ over the camera is the funniest thing in the world. But both of them are comfortable with each other, and when Gavin starts to work himself off, Ryan’s just as ready.

It’s a little awkward at first; obviously this is nothing like the real thing and all they can do is pretend it’s the other jacking them off, but being able to see each other touching themselves and hear the moans coming from one another’s mouths make it good enough. They breathe out the other’s names and tell each other how much they miss the other and when Ryan, in a husky tone, starts telling Gavin everything he plans on doing to the Brit once he comes home.

“Fuck, I’m so close keep talking, oh god.” Gavin hisses, his head leaning backwards as he visualizes the wonderful threats Ryan’s making. It doesn’t take much more for him to peak, and once the younger man sighs out in pleasure and whispers how lovely he is, Ryan follows suit.

Both of them are sticky messes, one of them about to get ready for work and the other on the verge of passing out. Ryan keeps his eyes on Gavin, missing being able to hold him close after this, like he used to.

“God, I miss you.” He mutters, running his other hand through his hair.

“I miss you more, Ryan.”

“Nah…”

“Yes, you pleb, I bloody do!”

“Nope.”

“I love you more, too.”

“Again, nah.”

They’re back to laughing, as a battle of ‘who loves who more’ is waged, and it’s not until Ryan’s eyes are about to close that Gavin gets in the last comment.

“I love you to infinity and beyond, Ryan. Nothing and no one could ever stop me from loving you.”

**Call ended.**

The older man falls asleep with a smile, and the younger goes to work with one.

So even though they’re worlds apart, they’re still together.

—————————————————————————————————————————-

It’s a little ironic, Ryan thinks, that his “my life is a progress bar” quote has actually become his life. Everyday, he checks the calendar to see how many days are left until Gavin comes home. He’s even calculated what the average time is that Gavin will sends him a message, which is borderline creepy, he thinks but doesn’t care.

He just wants his life with Gavin to unpause.

What he wasn’t prepared for, was Gavin fast-forwarding on without him.

Or at least, that’s what it feels like. They’re halfway through the third month period, and while Ryan’s a near wreck, it seemed like the Brit is completely fine without him, having the time of his life with Dan and his new film friends. Most nights, he tweets a picture of the bevs he’s getting with his co-workers, and then will be too drunk to cam in the morning.

“I’m losing him.” Ryan confesses at the office one day, while having lunch with Lindsay and Michael. “I’m losing him and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

The couple look at each other, as if they know something Ryan doesn’t. Michael turns back to Ryan, “Look man, I can one hundred percent assure you that you’re not losing him. Gavin’s way too far in love with you for that to happen.” Beside him, Lindsay nods, “He’s just distracted with the excitement of the film, that’s all.”

Ryan mumbles an agreement, though he doesn’t really know if they’re right or just trying to make him feel better. It could be both, but he doubts it.

That week, he manages to get one day to cam with Gavin. All the other days he’s been either completely wasted from drinks with friends, or he’s wasted from the amount of work he’s doing. This time, Gavin’s woken up a few hours earlier so it’s not too late for Ryan, and he’s a bit more quiet than usual.

The conversation leads to how things are going in the office, where Ryan discusses who won GO! this week and some of the let’s plays they recorded. Gavin nods along, not-entirely listening. This is confirmed when he interrupts Ryan halfway through a sentence.

“And then Ray was—”

“Ryan, I’ve been thinking, you know, about the future.”

The silence that comes after that is echoing.

 _He’s breaking up with me he’s breaking up with me he’s breaking up with me._ It runs through Ryan’s head over and over again, and he can’t really respond, which doesn’t matter because Gavin keeps going.

“Just the other day, you know, I was thinking about it. We’ve been dating for… god, at least a year now? How long have we been together?” He asks, knowing full well that Ryan knows (because he’s the only one that ever remembers dates and appointments, Gavin can barely remember what he did the day before). Taking a silent breath, Ryan keeps it together, shrugging, “Eleven months, if you’re counting the last few months.”

“Of course you count the last few months, we’re still dating, you nob.”

Another shrug from Ryan.

“Eleven months… Our anniversary is coming up then! It’s the tenth of November, isn’t it? That’s the day I fly back home!”

The level of excitement in Gavin’s voice settles the fear Ryan has that he’s about to break up with him. But he still spends the rest of the conversation thinking about it, worrying that Gavin is losing interest, even if, no, especially since they’ve been a couple for nearly a year.

Ryan makes up an awful excuse about needing sleep, and Gavin’s smile falters for a second before nodding in agreement, saying that he should try to get a few more hours too.

“G’night Rye-Bread, I love you!”

“Night.”

**Call ended.**

————————————————————————————————————————

Ryan lays in bed that next morning, not sure what he’s feeling.

Half of him is saying to fight, to keep on focusing all of his energy on Gavin. The Brit was so energized on the phone, he obviously still loves him. That half of Ryan should send his usual “good morning” text to his boyfriend even though in London it’s past noon.

The other half, however, feels tired. Tired of being worried and lonely and jealous. This side of Ryan wants to call in sick to work and block out the rest of the world for the day. Or two days. Or a week.

This is nothing new. It’s the same way that Ryan’s woken up for the past four months.

The difference today is that the other half wins.

It wins, all because of one stupid tweet, the tipping point that sends Ryan spiraling into the pit of distress he’s created himself. When Ryan’s alarm goes off around eight, he grabs his phone to stop the constant beeping going off. As he does, he sees that Gavin’s updated his twitter and automatically checks it.

_Gavin Free: “I’d like to thank the lovely @janeyrivers for all her help with my ‘special project’ today. Couldn’t have done it without her. <3”_

It’s nothing, he tells himself.

Probably just one of the other people on set. The ‘special project’ is related to the film, most likely. Right?

But the nagging voice in the back of his head tells him otherwise, and today Ryan lets it control him.

He calls Geoff and tells him he’s come down with the flu. His boss doesn’t sound like he believes him, but tells him to get some rest and that he’ll see him tomorrow. Ryan quickly hangs up, then puts his phone on vibrate before pushing himself up and making his way to the washroom. The next hour is spent staring blankly at the tile in the shower, trying not to think of the times he and Gavin would attempt to “conserve water” together. When he realizes he can’t, he quickly gets out, not caring that he’s dripping water all over the place as he goes straight to the kitchen to pour himself a drink. But by the time he gets there, he’s too lazy to get out a glass and just chugs from the bottle.  
-  
The whiskey burns at his throat, but he continues to gulp down the liquor, only stopping when he needs a breath. After a good fraction has been emptied, he barely grasps the bottleneck as he heads towards the bedroom, deciding to throw on a pair of sweats. He puts them on quickly before glancing over at his phone after is buzzes.

Ryan considers ignoring it. He thinks about going straight to the couch to finish off the booze and drunkingly play some Titanfall. But the part of his subconscious, the one he ignored from earlier, wills him to pick it up.

5 New Voicemails  
5 Missed Calls from Gavin  
13 New Texts from Gavin

8:46 AM:You up yet, sleepy head? <3  
8:57 AM: Ryan, waaaaaaaake up…  
9:01 AM: Lazy glub, it’s nine in the morning for you, you’ll be late for work.  
9:12 AM: Geoff just told me you took the day off. Something wrong?  
9:19 AM: Rye-Bread, what’s going on?  
9:23 AM: You’re making me worried.  
9:30 AM: Talk to me, did something happen?  
9:36 AM: Why aren’t you replying?  
9:41 AM: I don’t know what I did, but at least let me know you’re okay.  
9:45 AM: Ryan, I’m sorry for whatever I did, please just text me back.  
9:49 AM: I’m terrified and need to know you’re alright.  
9:52 AM: I love you, please answer me.  
9:58 AM: If you don’t respond soon, I’m boarding the next plane home.

The last text was sent barely a minute ago, and Ryan sighs, unlocking his iPhone’s screen and tries to think of what to say. In his head, nothing sounds right. He finally decides on a quick three word response in order to keep his boyfriend from flying back to Austin, even though the idea of having him back makes his chest tighten.

10:00 AM: Don’t. It’s fine.

Even though it’s not fine, nothing is fine or okay or alright.

Ryan swallows another long gulp of whiskey, coughing a little at the end. He already feels a bit dizzy, probably, he thinks, due to not eating anything yet that morning.

His text is enough to illicit another phone call from Gavin, and Ryan stares at his mobile for three rings before picking up, not saying anything because his boyfriend immediately speaks.

“Ryan…” Gavin’s voice is steady but concerned, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

The older man doesn’t know where to begin. There’s about a hundred things wrong and they’re all running through his head at impossible speeds but the alcohol’s making him drowsy and he can’t seem to hold onto a thought before it’s gone. The only one that he can discern has been haunting him since Gavin left.

“I don’t want you to break up with me.”

Gavin squawks, taken back in surprise, “What the bloody hell would make you think I’d do that!?”

It takes another swig of alcohol and a deep breath for Ryan to reply, “You’ve got everyone in London, probably have met some more attractive people than me. Like that Janey Rivers person. I’m just… just not making you happy, I don’t think. You’ve got more important things than me.”

Ryan’s voice cracks at the end, his body giving into the sobs he’d been holding back for the past months. On the other end, he can hear Gavin trying to reassure him, telling him that that’s never going to happen. It takes a few minutes, but eventually Ryan manages to calm down enough after hearing Gavin’s comforting voice tell him over and over again that he loves him.

“I want you to listen very, very carefully to me, James Ryan Haywood.” The Brit says calmly, “You are the most important person in my life, and there’s not a single thing in the universe that could get me to break up with you, you hear me? I love you, so so much. You’re the only one for me, do not think for a second that anyone else could ever amount to you. Janey, she’s just… I can’t explain it to you until I get home, but it’s not at all what you think.”

A shaky breath from Ryan follows a moment of silence between the two, and he mumbles out a quiet, “You promise?”

“I swear on my gran’s grave.”

It takes a second before Ryan lets out a small laugh, “Isn’t your grandmother still alive?”

The sound of Gavin’s giggle brings a smile to Ryan’s face, “Well, she might as well be dead, she’s pretty batty, doesn’t even recognize me. Last time I saw her she thought I was a hired stripper. She’ll be in a grave soon enough.”

Ryan laughs again, taking a small sip before wiping at his nose, “Well, aren’t you a caring grandson…”

“Oh shush, Ryan… And you should put the bottle down, love. Please.”

With a pause, Ryan nods even though Gavin can’t see it. He sets it aside and again rubs at his eyes the tears he’d been shedding earlier. He takes long breath, inhaling and exhaling slowly, before pushing the phone back against his ear. “Okay,” The older man whispers, “I did. I… I just, I’m fucking lost without you Gav, it feels like I’ve been thrown out to sea without a life jacket, and I’m barely holding onto the lifeline.”

“I know, Ryan. I know. I miss you too, every single day from morning to night, I think about how soon I’ll be back home with you.”

Ryan closes his eyes and pictures having his boyfriend in his arms, them laughing and cooking in the kitchen and all the other stupid things they do together. “It’s only two more weeks, right?” He huffs out, trying to make it seem so easy even after his breakdown, “Easy as pie.”

The Brit hums in agreement, though not in an excited tone. “If I had my way, it’d be tomorrow…”

“I know.”

There’s another pause, and Ryan takes the moment to lay back down into bed. It’s Gavin that breaks the silence, “I love you, Ryan. Get some rest.”

“I love you, Gavin.”

**Call ended.**

—————————————————————————————————————————

He’s sitting at the office, knee shaking as he waits for the office day to be over, watching the clock slowly tick by. Gavin’s supposed to boarding his flight in mere minutes, and he’ll be home, and Ryan will never ever let him out of his arms again.

The entire office knows how elated Ryan is, and to see him go from moping around to finally smiling again is a blessing. Everyone’s glad to have their resident Slo-Mo guy back, but none of them could ever compete with Ryan.

However, Michael and Lindsay both came to a close second, smiling non-stop whenever they were around Ryan. Occasionally, they’d look over at each other and chuckle, though their friend didn’t notice in the slightest. He was too busy thinking about his boyfriend returning to him. 

It was about noon when he got the phone call, face brightening when he saw Gavin’s picture appear on the lock screen. The rest of the office turned around to face Ryan, matching his smile when they heard Ryan answer.

“Hi Gav, you about to fly out?”

“Ryan, I’m bloody sorry. I missed my damn flight, the traffic in Heathrow was terrible. The next plane isn’t taking off until tomorrow afternoon…” Gavin said, his tone dripping with apologies.

“Oh.”

The Brit rambled on, “I’m such an idiot, I wanted to be home for our anniversary and now it’s going to be another day and I’m terribly sorry… I ruined everything.”

Ryan isn’t mad at Gavin, but he’s basically shaking because of fucking course this would happen. It’s as if the universe doesn’t want him to be with Gavin and it isn’t fair.

“It’s fine, Gavin.”

Ryan swallows, taking a moment as Gavin says he’ll call him tomorrow, responding with a quick ‘okay’ and ‘love you’ before hanging up.

His mood’s plummeted, and the other achievement hunters seem to know what’s happened even without Ryan having to tell them anything. When the brunette goes back to his work, turning away from the others and not saying a word, Geoff comes over and places a hand on Ryan’s shoulder, telling him to take the rest of the day off. He’s thankful for this, and Geoff simply nods, understanding from the expression on Ryan’s face.

He spends the car ride home thinking about how fucking unlucky he is. But he also knows he’s overreacting.

So what if Gavin missed his flight? It’d only be one more day, and if he’d been able to wait for four months, one week and two days, an extra 24 hours shouldn’t have been a big deal.

And yet it was.

When he makes it home, he plops himself down on the sofa, flipping through the television channels with mild interest for a couple of hours. It’s not until he feels something vibrate in his side pocket, that he realizes he’s been there for six hours and his phone’s ringing. Not recognizing the number, he decides to pick up anyways.

He’s met with a polite female voice that asks “Is this Ryan Haywood?”

“Yes.”

“Hi there, Mr. Haywood, I’m Janey and we have the luggage for a Mr. Gavin Free, which hasn’t been picked up, and the information here is telling me you’re the one to contact if we can’t reach Mr. Free. Is that correct?”

Ryan takes the phone away from his face and sighs, rubbing his eyes for a moment before answering, “Yeah, yeah Gavin missed his flight, that’s why he hasn’t picked it up yet. Can I come get it up now?” He’s already moving around the apartment, sliding on his shoes and grabbing his wallet, and when she says yes, he’s thanking the woman and telling her he’ll be there within a half hour.

It takes him about fifteen minutes to get to the airport, traffic thankfully light, and he parks in front of the international baggage claim area before casually walking in. He’s in no rush, sighing as he sees a woman running to her significant other as he comes out from the security line, and thinking that that could have been him and Gavin.

As he passes through the doors to the proper area for checked-in bags, the same woman that had been on the phone with him (he assumed, based on the name tag) greeted him, asking what she could do for him. Identifying himself, the worker said it’d take a couple of minutes and had him wait while she went to the back.

With crossed arms, Ryan stood, waiting patiently for the suitcases that should have been with Gavin. As if on cue, however, he felt his phone buzz against him, narrowing his eyes in confusion as he saw Gavin’s number again on the screen. It was fairly late in his time zone for him to be calling. Nonetheless, Ryan answered, “Gavin? What are you doing awake?”

“Oh, you know, waiting for someone. Figured it’d be a good time to call you!”

Ryan could practically hear the smirk on his boyfriend’s face, and knew that something was going on. “Gav, what are you really doing?

“Turn around and find out.”

Freezing for a moment, Ryan felt his heart constrict in his chest before spinning around to see Gavin standing twenty feet behind him with a bouquet of roses, phone against his ear, and a giant grin on his face. It took maybe ten seconds for Ryan to sprint to him, gathering him up into his arms and kissing him as much as he possibly could. This was real, it wasn’t a dream, Gavin was really there with him…

Ryan leaned back, glaring at the younger man, “You’re such an ass, telling me that you missed your goddamn flight, why!?”

“I know I’m a right asshole, but…” Gavin squirmed out of Ryan’s grip and knelt down, fumbling around his hand in jacket pocket, before taking out a small velvet box, “I had this really crummy idea of proposing to you, today on our one year anniversary, and Lindsay and Michael suggested the prank and it seemed like a good idea at the time, though it probably wasn’t…” He smiled, scratching at the back of his head nervously. “Ryan, you’re the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. You’re my safety net, my anchor, my everything. I don’t deserve to have you, but, would you be able to marry an idiot?”

The words that came out of Ryan’s mouth was an odd combination of “Of fucking course” and “Holy shit”, which was enough for Gavin to laugh and grin as Ryan simply pulled him up and kissed him again.

“I’ll take that as a yes then?”

Ryan nodded his head, knees shaking as Gavin placed the silver band onto his left hand. He rolled his eyes as he did so, wondering how he’d become the one that was proposed to, when everyone including Ryan always assumed it would be him asking Gavin. No one had ever thought Gavin would be the one pushing for marriage, but it didn’t mean that Ryan was disappointed, not in the slightest.

Leaning his head down to rest against Gavin’s forehead, Ryan let out a long, happy sigh. “I missed you.” He smiled, truly feeling happy for the first time in months. The younger man pecked at his lips again, before completely throwing his arms around Ryan and hiding his face against the other’s neck, mumbling how much more he missed him.

“We already talked about this, Gavin, I missed you and love you more.”

The Brit sprung up, furrowing his brow, “No, I was the one that got the last word in!”

“Naaaah…”

A loud whine came from Gavin, “Ryan!”

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for my pal handpickedhappiness because her bf was out of the country and she was sad. inspired by the poem by e.e. cummings and i listened to 'about today' by the national while writing.


End file.
